Unfiltered and impromptu 12AM thoughts: on us and dating

One of my biggest gratitudes early this year stems from appreciating how much I’ve been blessed with a particular bond that never in my earlier days of having a crush on someone had I thought I would’ve ever deserved. One that has been growing for half a decade, with somebody that can be virtually summed up as my completely-kind-of-guy.

The kind of companionship that is so brilliantly beautiful and strong, it survived so many possible kinds of challenges. The kind of relationship that still personally amazes me each and every day, for it is a living proof that the universe works in a certain strangely beautiful way to make two stranded puzzle pieces that are meant to fit each other eventually meet somehow and manage to see through each other. The kind of battle of mutual fondness and appreciation to win over ache and selfishness, which somehow finds its way to grow and last despite all the complicated mazes it constantly went through.

When I think of it, I am constantly feeling grateful and eager. Eager to explore all the future possibilities, of all the amazing things we could potentially do together. And all the future challenges we could potentially survive together again. The life-changing, mind-blowing, world-shaking things we could create. The more powerful magic dust we could sprinkle onto our surroundings. The greater things that are above and beyond the limit of what we could do now when our attachment is still left unrecognized by the laws.

I guess my feelings are not the only thing that reassure me that I’d very much like to grow old with you;

it’s also the thoughts of all the strengths we’ve collected and will keep collecting when we are together—that we could use to make bigger, more amazing things happen in the world. It’s also the thoughts that such a strong and wonderful relationship deserves a much better-defined goal and path to help make the world a nicer place for perhaps everyone. It’s also the thoughts that while we are young and free-spirited, we could maybe transform a piece of the world with our combined wild hearts and idealism. It’s also the thoughts that if love really is such a powerful energy to radiate, ours in a higher extent could presumably be the beginning of all the finest days of our lives—and maybe for others too.

Dua Puluh Empat

Gadis usianya tepat dua puluh empat hari itu.

Langit merah muda pukul delapan pagi di Calgary sama manisnya seperti subuh-subuh yang lalu. Begitu pula turun salju yang tipis mengendap di trotoar pagi itu, selazim Desember yang dulu-dulu. Dinginnya cukup menggebu, tapi tidak terlalu menjadikan beku. Dipacunya langkah menuju terminal kereta, mengejar rutinitas sebelum esok tiba Sabtu.

Di pikirannya hanya satu: ingin segera menyambut akhir minggu. Mencoba resep ikan salmon baru, menelepon satu-dua kawan lama yang kini dipisah benua, atau mungkin menyortir foto-foto perjalanan beberapa pekan silam ke Peru. Intinya, dua hari tanpa dijejal tensi atas pekerjaan, dan paras-paras yang membuat jam-jam di kantor terasa melambat, tegang, dan kaku. Nah, yang kedua itu yang membuat ia paling enggan berlarut-larut di kubikel tanpa sekat itu.

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Kembali

adalah ketika besi berderik tidak berhenti di bawah kaki, tiang-tiang bergeser seirama di balik kaca berdebu, awan kian saru dengan langit tempat ia digantungnya. Pun dari dua ribu kaki di atas Bumi dimana ransel-ransel penuh terisi cerita, hati-hati penuh diduduki nelangsa, dan negeri-negeri nampak kerdil bergerak menjauh menemani larut yang kian semburat. Sementara agenda bersampul kulit bertemu dengan tinta setelah kertasnya mengering terlalu lama, bersama meja tulis yang disapa tuannya setelah kehilangan taulan sejak entah kapan, lalu sebagian kamu yang dikunci kini bernafas lagi pelan-pelan.

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Puji-puji tentang rumput yang disapa oleh kado kiriman dari langit, pipa-pipa di ujung atap rumah yang diminta bernyanyi riuh bersama anak-anak awan, rambut-rambut yang basah setelah dirangkul tanpa jeda oleh malaikat dari angkasa yang mengharap pertemuan dengan Dewi Bumi. Ruang-ruang di antara rusukku kini dihias dengan krisan dan bakung tempat kupu-kupu bermain hompimpa sehabis gilirannya kilat dan gemuruh.

Setelahnya,

diam-diam kukirim doa dan salam paling bersahaja untuk Sapardi Djoko Damono dan Cholil Mahmud yang telah berkisah tentang hujan yang sentimentil di bulan Juni dan Desember.


 

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Di udara kita menyaksikan salam-salam berbungkus kertas kado keemasan beterbangan—sayapnya dari gula-gula kapas yang menguar dari uap bibirmu saat mengeja gramatika tentang utopia pada turun salju sebelum subuh—menunggu disambut tangan-tangan gadis yang ruang-ruang di antara rusuknya berisi harap-harap yang kekal mengendap.

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